


Overly Complicated Uniforms and Their Blessings

by Blonde_and_Nerdy



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Its more like Porco crushing, The ships are one sided
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-02 10:23:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19196902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blonde_and_Nerdy/pseuds/Blonde_and_Nerdy
Summary: Reiner helps Porco and Pieck put on the Paradis uniform and share a moment of peace before the upcoming battle.Or Porco has a bisexual meltdown thanks to the Paradis 3dm belts.





	Overly Complicated Uniforms and Their Blessings

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in one night and edited a second without a beta so any mistakes are my own. I did not originally mean for this to end the way it did. Porco just would not stop ogling Reiner and Pieck. I have no control over him, none at all.

The mood in the room was tense and silent as Porco and Pieck worked quickly to get ready. Or at least it was until a sound Porco had not heard in years rang out, Reiner’s laughs. It was deeper than the last time Porco heard it. 

“What the hell are you laughing about?” He snarled. Didn’t Reiner know how serious the situation was? Paradis had attached Liberio. They did not know how many civilians had died or were currently dying under rumble. 

“You have no idea what you are doing. Your belts are all wrong.” It was not a question but an apparently very humorous statement. 

“Why the fuck are there so many then. No one needs that many belts just to hold up their pants.” Porco snapped. Pieck let out a soft giggle next to him, also struggling with the Paradis soldiers’ uniform. 

“The belts are vital in order to use 3DM gear correctly. They distribute your weight while in the air.” The humor was gone, instead, it sounded rote, something he had heard and said over and over again.

Porco snorted “It’s not like we will be using any of the freaky flying gear. We just need to make think we are one of them.”

Reiner walked over and put his hand on the belt Porco was currently trying to fasten on his chest. “Then you need to have passible looking belts. Every soldier will know you’ve never worn gear like that. Take it all off. We need to start over.”

Porco was angry but he tried to calm down and go back to wrestling with the belts. “I don’t need your help.”

“So that’s why you are trying to strap one of your thigh belts to your chest.” 

Porco face flushed a deep red and Pieck giggled again. She had already started taking off her belts. 

“Come on Pock, they’re just belts. They aren’t going to bite.”

Grumbling Porco started taking off his belts. Reiner reached down and grabbed a belt, probably a random one since he barely looked at it. 

“Boots off.” This time Pieck joined Porco in sputtering. 

“Is this all a trick to get us to strip?” Pieck teased but did not hesitate to sit and take off the strange tall boots. Reiner held up one of the smallest belts with a square of leather attached in the middle. 

“Foot harness. Now take off your boots.” Angrily Porco complied and allowed Reiner to put on and adjust the strap. He then did the same with Pieck. 

Porco said nothing as they continued with the other belts. Having Reiner so close while he gently put on and adjusts the straps with sure and steady hands was strange. Reiner kept up a steady stream of soft noise as he told them where each belt went, how to put it on, and how tight it should be. Pieck encouraged it by asking questions about Paradis and the gear. Then he felt something brush he inner thigh and Porco yelped. Reiner drew back in surprise and Pieck giggle, again.

“What are you doing touching me there?!”

“It’s your thigh strap, I need to put it on.” 

“What has no one touched you there before?” Pieck asked with a shit eating grin knowing full well he hadn’t. Warriors couldn’t get married. 

“It’s not like you’ve been either.” He snapped another god damn blush spread over his checks. Hopefully, neither of them noticed. 

“I have. Now if you don’t want me to do it you’re going to need to do it yourself.” Wait, did Reiner mean that because of the belts or did he mean that in a sex way? Porco did not hear the rest of the instruction on how to do so with that thought circling his brain. 

“So did the Paradis soldiers often help each other with their belts?” Pieck asks coyly waging an eyebrow at Porco. 

“Yeah, you got used to doing it alone after a while. We had to wear them every day regardless of whether we were actually using gear. It always easier with an extra hand though.” 

Oh, thank god it was not a sex thing. He couldn’t think of sex now. Not now with Reiner and Pieck so close. The two were currently very close as he helped her with the cursed thigh straps. 

Then, Reiner looked up from Pieck to look at Porco who was trying to copy the sure movement of Reiner's hands. Were they always so large? 

“If you wanted to get, closer, to someone. You asked them to help you take off your straps.” 

Pieck threw back her head and laughed. She had such a pretty laugh. Reiner was also smiling and his hands were still, hovering over Pieck’s thighs. 

“Can’t really doing anything with these belts in the way I guess.” 

“Not without a lot of discomfort and stickiness.”

Was that personal experience talking? How could Pieck even talk about sex with Reiner’s face inches away from her … region? 

“Everything comfortable so far?”

“Yeah, though it feels kind of strange to have all this extra pressure and weight.”

Reiner stood and turned to Porco who quickly looked down. Those two were going to kill him before he even got to Paradis. 

“Your upper thigh is twisted. Can I fix it?” Porco just nodded mutely, he just wanted this done and over with. Reiner was quick kneeling down to undo the strap and twist it back to the right place. He also pulled on some of the buckles to make sure they were at the right tension. Porco entertained himself by replaying the destruction of their home in his head, hoping it was enough to keep anything from showing or growing. 

Reiner than moved on to the next set of belts and Porco was lulled into a false sense of security. 

“So there are different settings for the chest strap.” Reiner held up a strap that looked no different to Porco than the dozen others already littering his body. “See here are the catches to adjust where on your chest to place this belt. It’s basically to accommodate all chest sizes.” 

He handed them each a belt but before helping Pieck with hers those he paused. Without saying anything she nodded and he moved into her space. He did the same with Porco thankfully. 

“You might need to go up a notch on your chest, Porco.” 

“No, I don’t! You said that was for, women with big chests.”

“Porco, I wore my belts at the top notch. It won’t hurt your masculinity.” 

Pieck’s eyes were absolutely shining with mirth. “Oh, this I have to feel.” And she did. Pieck reached over and squeezed Reiner’s chest. “Those are truly some top tier titties.” 

Porco wished Reiner had just left them be, he would take being captured by the enemy over this.

“Thank you, and same. Though personally, I am not that into chests.”

“Oh,” 

“Legs are where it’s at for me. Especially nice long legs.” He trailed off, no longer looking at either of them. Likely he was playing the memory of some women’s legs back in his mind, but he also looked sad. Pieck moved her hand from his chest to shoulder.

“Well from what I heard you had a real nice pair of long legs. You weren’t that quiet on the walls.” She winks and Porco feels left out of the loop.

“Sorry if we kept you up, but I am not sorry for loving him. It was one of the best parts of being over there.”

Wait, him. But that was something that could get even Marlian killed and Bertolt, he had come back tall, towering over everyone with really long legs. 

“It probably will not matter but do not act disgusted if someone the same gender tries to flirt with you. They do not have the same ideas about sex and marriage as here.” 

Reiner turns to leave but without thinking Porco stops him with a hand to the shoulder. 

“Did it work?” He sputtered out.

“What,” Reiner asked confused.

“Ya know, asking Bertolt to help you take off your belts. Did it get you, closer?”

Porco’s heart skipped a beat as Reiner’s smile actually reached his eyes. 

“Yeah. He always called me lame for using it but I told him I would only stop when it stopped working. It never did stop working.” 

“Thank you for this break. I am going to head up and talk with Magath more about our approach.”

He pats Porco on the back as he passed by and disappeared around the corridor. Pieck came up next to Porco with mischief in her eyes.

“Ya, know. If you asked him, Reiner probably would help you take off your belts.”

Her laughter followed him out of the room as Porco beat a hasty retreat to be literally anywhere else.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in one night and edited a second without a beta so any mistakes are my own. I did not originally mean for this to end the way it did. Porco just would not stop ogling Reiner and Pieck. I have no control over him, none at all.


End file.
